Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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