It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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