My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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