I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
