u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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