I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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