I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
