She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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