there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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