I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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