Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
