You smell like stripper and shame
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
