babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
