Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize