If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His hands were made for my vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
