get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
