having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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