i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
