I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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