Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
