can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
