I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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