just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
