I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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