You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
