I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
