You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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