He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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