i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
