i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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