My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
