4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
