the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
