Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
