Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize