forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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