we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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