We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
