I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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