im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
