My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize