White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
