gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize