If i come over, it means nothing
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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