sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
