Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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