The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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