First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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