Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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