a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
