y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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