i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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