At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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