For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
