vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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