So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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