This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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