I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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