i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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