See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays