Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom