Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How many fucks given?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem