i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.