glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
