just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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