I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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