real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
