somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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